haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
