I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
