I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
