Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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