What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Randomize
