please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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