I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
