Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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