Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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