Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
