That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
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i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
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it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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