i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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