dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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