So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
