my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
