I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
