Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just found puke in my bra..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
