Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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