Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
