I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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