I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
