Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
