If i come over, it means nothing
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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