I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
