I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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