Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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