just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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