I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
