Your face is a jimmy john
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
