i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
