the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
