So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
