Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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