Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
