sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
