i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
