If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
