Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
