I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
