Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
