you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
