Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
