I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
