I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
