Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
