i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
