He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
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He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
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