dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
