How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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