i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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