What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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