If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
