Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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