I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
