I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
