i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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