I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Are we still banned from the library?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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