the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Come on in and take your pants off
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