i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
