Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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