ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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