There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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