so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
