i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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