note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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