You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
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Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
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So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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