____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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