at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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