i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
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I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
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The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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