Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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