i just wanna soil my oats bro
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
