All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
