the condom got lost in my hair
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
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