You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
