Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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