if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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