I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
