you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
